Too Much Girl Talk?

Girl talkNo I’m a girl.  Yes, I think we established that with the whole birth control series 🙂  I’d like to talk for a moment about  being a girl, and what it’s actually like.  Specifically, I’m going to talk about ‘girl talk’.

Girl talk is this conversation about oddly personal things that girls don’t mind telling each other.  Embarrassing sex situations, funny relationship oddities and beauty regimes.  We’ll talk to each other about anything.  But contrary to popular belief, there is a thing as too much girl talk.

My roomate Dee is dating again.  She’s in her early fifties, and she’s fresh out of a divorce.  Well ‘fresh’ as in only a few years ago.  She’s gone through the process, and she’s gotten too now.

When I first moved in with her, the girl talk flowed.  She wanted to know about everything to do with sex and relationships, mainly because she was getting back into the game and wanted all my opinions.  At first I thought it was great.  But then, it started to get repetitive and mundane.

I love my roommate, and I want to support her.  But could we talk about something other than guys?  A few weeks, or maybe months ago, I talked about meeting a guy I called ‘fake doctor guy’ because of his career path.  That semi relationship fizzled out quite awhile ago, and we haven’t really spoken since.  No hard feelings, just didn’t go anywhere.  So why am I still being accosted with questions about him?  ‘Have you heard from him?’ ‘Should you contact him?’  Really?  The relationship is over.

Then I realized something last night.  As much as she won’t admit it, Dee is not okay with being single.  She’s been married most of her life, and she honestly doesn’t understand that I am okay being single.  In fact, I love it.  I like being me.  I like meeting new people.  I do not need a guy to validate my life.  Dee says she understands it, because she feels it too.  But she does.  She worries about me because I don’t have a guy, and it really drives me crazy.  I do not live in a generation that is made valid by our relationships.  I used to think the divide in our ages made me experience a whole new way of thinking.  It does sometimes.  But I feel it’s tying me down.

It’s also a lot of ‘how do you feel about that?’  Umm… I honestly hadn’t thought about it.  This is going to sound very masculine, but there are just too many conversations about feelings going on.  Can’t we talk about nothing?

I have a feeling that in her entire life, no one has really ever talked with Dee about her feelings.  And suddenly there I am, willing to talk about it, and it’s like a tidal wave all coming down on me.  I honestly can’t handle it all.  Sometimes I want to sit still and watch TV, and not have a conversation about feelings.  I don’t want every time we talk to be a delve into our deepest emotions.  I don’t want our entire lives to circle around boys.  I want to be me.  I want to do the things I love.  I want to go out and not come back to the question ‘did you meet anyone?’ with the seriousness that only means you’re asking if I met a guy.

The answer to my original question is yes.  There is such a thing as too much girl talk.  Way too much.  Even for a girl, there is too much, and I love girl talk.

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The Girl Code

Girl CodeEntry #2.  Under no circumstance should you tell a girl that you hate her boyfriend and you’re glad they broke up unless he’s abusive.  Here’s why.  If they ever get back together, you’re screwed.

Being a friend is a precarious business.  A few months ago, my friend Kim told me she broke up with her boyfriend.  I said ‘good for you, you’re so much better than him’ thinking i was being supportive.  He was, after all, causing way too much drama in her life.  But a few weeks later they got back together, and she was hesitant to tell me because I ‘disapproved’ of him.  I felt awful.  She and I tell each other everything about everything.

Here’s the thing.  I don’t approve of him.  I think he’s not good enough for her.  But if Kim is happy, then that’s the only thing that matters.  I want her to be happy.  If this guy makes her happy, then I’m happy, and that’s the end of it.  I’m not dating the guy, so I don’t have to love him.  But I will make the effort to get to know him, and understand why she cares for him.

We all want to protect our friends, and we all want them to be with the very best person for them.  But sometimes who they want to be with is not who we want them to be with.  In this situation, this is what you do…

Suck it up, realize your friend is a grownup, and be there for him/her no matter what happens with their partners.

There is an ‘unless’ for this.  If a friend is being abused in any way, made to feel like crap, threatened or cut off from the people they love, or anything like this, then you have the right to intervene.  Just be prepared for the repercussions.  If your fears do nothing to persuade your friend to leave this awful human being, you’ve successfully cut yourself out of their life.  Being a judgy friend helps no one.

The Girl Code

Girl CodeSo I was talking to a friend of mine over Thai food the other day, and we were discussing what is and isn’t done between girlfriends. It was amusing that these apparently ‘common’ rules that I thought we all lived by, are simply not common at all. Neil Patrick Harris has solidified the ‘Bro Code’, but do girls need the same thing? Do we need a list of rules written down that have acceptable amendments.  Well, we’re going to start. Even if it seems obvious, let’s start writing it down. This category will be called the ‘Girl Code’ until we can think of a much better name for it.

Entry #1: The amount of time you wait to date a girls ex will fluctuate depending on how good a friend they are, and how good a friend you want them to remain. Is she your best friend? Lay off for at least six months and ease into it. If you ask and she says she’s ‘fine’ with it, that’s a trap for ‘if you do, you’re dead to me.’  Honestly ladies, as a close friend, you should realize that there is hidden pain. There always is.