I’ve been having this strange series of thoughts lately. It’s going to sound really out there if you’ve been reading my blog until now. Here it is… I really want to marry a rich guy.
I know right? I’m all about independence and experiencing everything that makes me happy. But the truth is, part of me is tired. I’m tired of taking care of myself, making my own money and stressing about my own budgets. I’m tired of being the one to support people and take care of all the people around me. Of course I’m not going to stop supporting the people I love!!
I have a good life. I’m happy and healthy, and I like where I am. But am I missing something? And is that something marriage to a rich guy? I’m going to go with ‘no’.
It’s really the idea of someone taking care of me. That sounds a little selfish, I know. It’s the modern persons want of an easier life. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, but the part that concerns me is that it’s manifested into a very ‘not me’ kind of way. I mean really? Since when am I the ‘marry any rich guy’ sort? And the thought has permeated to the point that I realized I was checking out peoples average wage section on match.com.
I’ve spent a year and a half dating casually. After a seven year relationship, I wasn’t interested in anything long term. Maybe that’s started to change. My last relationship was with someone that needed too much support from me. I see huge red flags in people like him. I want someone stable and confident. In my mind, I see money as being evidence of that. Even as I say it, I know it’s not right!!
I believe that every fantasy we have says something about who we are and what we’re ready for. I fantasize about certain life moments, sexual adventures and specific characters. Does it mean I want that exact fantasy? No! But if I dream of a knight in shining armour, it could mean that I’d like someone to sweep me off my feet. My ideal husband is from 50 years ago? Maybe I’m attracted to the old-style gentlemen we only see in movies. There’s meaning behind everything our minds come up with. So my rich-guy wedding fantasy? It means I’m thinking of sacrificing things that are important to me, for something easier.
I don’t want to give up my life for something easier, but maybe my life right now is not as fulfilling as I thought. If I want to escape it, then there’s something I’m not getting. I doubt very much that a sudden influx if cash is going to fix this problem 🙂
Here’s what I’m taking from this. I want to start thinking of love again, in the long-term sense. I want to think about my future, and find someone who’s also thinking about their future. Because I’ve pretty much gotten my life together, I want someone who also has their life together, who can support me as much as I support them. Someone to share responsibility with, not add to it. I don’t want to take care of anyone. I don’t want to be in a relationship and feel like I’m someones mother. Been there, done that, felt like crap!
I want to find a little relief for some of the things weighing on me, like money. But that’s not something I need a guy for. That’s something I can achieve myself.
I guess my point is that you shouldn’t be concerned if all you suddenly want is something you never would have put this much effort into wanting before, it’s not always what you think it is. Dreams and fantasies are taken from little glimpses of feelings we stifle down while we forge ahead with our lives. Consider it, wonder about it, figure out how important it is to you, and then full-steam ahead with whatever you decide is important. I’m not going out to hunt down a rich guy. I’m going to open myself up to people looking for a deeper connection. I’m sure they’re there, but my ‘casual and dating’ energy could have chased them away.