I feel like I’ve spent most of my 20’s covering up my stomach. By that I mean buying clothes that are loose and flowing to hide the roundness. I’ve never been comfortable in anything that hugged my curves, even if it’s just showing of my breasts.
Yesterday I spent a lot of time at the mall looking for a new dress to buy for an event tonight. I have some at home, but I’ve worn them a few times ad I just wasn’t feeling them. I wanted something new. I tried on dress after dress and nothing made me feel wow! I went for all my old faithfuls. The empire waist with flowing skirt to me knees because the ‘tried and true’. I’m short so anything with a long skirt makes me look squat. I need to show a little leg 🙂 But nothing was right!!
I finally ended up at a store with a big sales rack and I found a little black dress that normally I wouldn’t have tried on, but the price tag beckoned. I figured ‘what the hell, the worst that can happen is it looks horrible and I leave that picture in the dressing room’. The priblem with it is that it’s high chested (which is not normally good with my D sized breasts’) and it hugged around the middle (as above, I’ve spent ten years avoiding that). I’ve thankfully gotten over the whole ‘I can fit into a size smaller than I am’ phase a long time ago, so I picked up my actual size. I went into the dressing room and put it on.
I was stunned. I looked at myself in the mirror and thought ‘wow, I actually look good!’. Yes the collar was high up on my chest, but it had this cool subtle design that took away from the large boobs. The waist hugged a little before flaring out, but I guess my new diet is paying off, because even without any kind of underneath body shaper it looked flattering. It was simple and classic. It showed of no cleavage, but it looked… classy.
I bought it, and all the way home I second guessed my decisions. Would I be comfortable wearing something like that all night? Maybe the mirror hid the rolls I knew were there. What if the little help I was planning with high waisted panty hose wouldn’t work. As soon as I got home, I put it on again with the panty hose. Again I was surprised. I looked good!
Covering up my flaws has become a way of life for me. I’ve made an art of knowing exactly what types of clothes flatter my body shape. For years I’ve ignored outfits thinking ‘that won’t look good on me’ and bought the same things over and over again. I’ve always said I have to wear V-necks otherwise my boobs look massive. Cleavage for me is an easy way to feel sexy. But wearing this simple black dress and looking at myself in the mirror, I felt a completely different kind of pretty. A pretty I never thought I’d ever feel.
Tonight is a night of first for me. It’s the first time I’m going to one of these events in a dress more form fitting than I’m used too. It’s the first time I’m going without a date, and I’m not at all nervous about that. It’s the first time I’m going as an actual part of the event, and not just someones guest. And it’s the first time I feel classically pretty and not like I’m hiding big parts of myself.
If there is some kind of moral to this story, it would be to stop assuming you need to cover things up. Take a chance once in awhile and put something on you normally wouldn’t. Sometimes you’ll tear it off and think ‘that was a mistake’. But sometimes you’ll do a double take and realize some of the flaws you imagine are all in your head.