In the last few weeks, I’ve been getting some morning anxiety. It’s not unusual, but it is beginning to feel a little constant. I’ve dealt with anxiety and stress before but this seems different. I know, it’s always different 🙂 Unlike last time I felt this kind of anxiety, it’s not all the time. It’s only in the morning. I get up and the moment the world comes into focus, I stress. I stress about the day and how affective I am at my job. I stress about what I might have missed while I slept. I just… stress.
When I get to work and sit down, it settles. I get organize, and start going through my day. By the time lunch comes around, I’ve stopped stressing and I feel fine. When I go home and the day is over, I don’t seem to feel anxiety anymore.
Here’s the cycle of anxiety…
1 – I wake up and feel anxious
2 – I get in the shower and forget if I’ve washed my hair
3 – I stress about having enough time to blow-dry my hair
4 – I get ready and stress while my phone dings with constant emails
5 – I stress because I have to use the washroom but it’s time to leave
6 – My walk to work my mind goes nuts with what needs to be done
7 – I get to work, sit down, and start working. I realize a few hours later my anxiety hasn’t really been an issue for awhile. In fact, it will be pretty much dormant until I get up the next morning.
I have two plans to figure this one. One, find out what it is about the pre-work day that’s making me feel like this. Is it the fear of having missed something? Not knowing what the day is going to bring? The second is to start again that elusive exercise regime.
Oh I know, everyone says the the same. Exercise will cure your anxiety. I hate when people tell me that. Anxiety makes you exhausted, and when you’re exhausted, you don’t want exercise. But I’m going to just stop the voice in my head and do it. I want to conquer my anxiety. I love my new job and I’m doing really well. What I need now is to stop assuming it’s work and start understanding that it’s me. Something about me keeps getting anxious, and I need to deal with it internally instead of blaming the things around me. I’m stressed in the morning, so I need to figure out how to combat that, and exercise is the best one.
I’m also inspired right now. I think it’s because of the spring. I’m inspired to start working on my self once more. I’m in a way better place than I was last year at this time, and even before winter hit. I feel like I’m at a good starting point to make things better, to make them amazing.
My old boss used to say something that at the time I would roll my eyes at because I was so frustrated with her. She used to say unless we think ‘that’s amazing!’, then we’re not going to consider it. I’d like to live my life like that. If I’m not excited about something, then I won’t add it to my life. Of course there are things you have to do, but there are things you don’t need to get into. I want to go on hikes and feel alive. I want to adopt a pet and love it unconditionally. I want to buy on old piece of furniture and re-do it and think hell yes, I created this amazing thing!! I want to be excited about everything. I think adding excitement will help me to not dwell on the things that are making me anxious, because in the end, they’re really little things. I can’t even spot them sometimes.