I have a dilemma. When I broke up with my ex six months ago, there were two friends that we shared. This couple that we hung out with sometimes I really wanted to make sure I stayed in touch with. The trouble is my ex moved in with them after the breakup.
I can’t blame him for that. He needed a place to go and they had a room to rent. Part of my is totally jealous. But the bigger part of me is simply worried that the reason they’ve been kind of loose getting back to me is they feel they have to choose a side, and because he lives with them, they’ve chosen him. And worse, what if he’s telling them all my bad habits?
There was a time I would have said ‘he’d never do something like that’. But our breakup has taught me that I know absolutely nothing about him, not really. The way he’s acted in this whole thing has been childish and immature. I’ve put a lot of effort into just letting him figure things out for himself, because he’s made it clear we don’t care about one another anymore. He needs his space, and so I’m giving it too him.
But what about our friends. Is it fair that his proximity to them has totally taken them over from me? And I don’t want to keep badgering them and put them in a position where they feel awkward. I feel like the best option is to sort of give up on them, but the very thought makes me very sad. But if they feel the have to choose, and the chose the person living in their house, I can’t begrudge them that.
I hope my ex will come around and realize that he’s making this harder than they have to be. I hope he can look back and realize that we were friends, and that part was always strong. I hope he understands that this isn’t just about him, and that wallowing in his own pain affects more than just him. But mostly I hope that our friends remain my friends as well as his.