The number isn’t changing…

fatIf you’ve read my blog until now, you may know that I’m am currently on the downward crawl of weight.  Until now, my progression has gone fast, then not at all, now slow.  And I mean, slow.

Here’s the thing.  Every single day I look in the mirror, and I like what I see more and more.  I mean I can see changes happening.  I can see my legs slim down, my butt firm up, my waist slowly shrink…  but that stupid number isn’t going very far.

I know that I’m losing weight.  I see it.  I see the positive changes in my body.  But the number is really giving me grief.  It’s disheartening when you feel like you’ve lost, and you star at the number and you get ridiculous weekly totals of like .6lbs.  Seriously scale?  People always say fat weighs less then muscle, so I guess I’m gaining muscle which is good, but still, we’ve been trained to believe that the number means something.  Not everything, but something.

Now that I’m running, and running a lot, I feel like there should have been a shift.  A new mud-slide of weight after a short plateau.  Apparently that’s not the case.

I blame the first ten pounds.  I know that sounds ridiculous, but I lost those first ten pounds quickly.  I was dedicated, I was motivated and I had a whole new life pushing me to succeed.  I feel great after those ten pounds.  But come on body, I have another ten at least to go!!

It sounds kind of lame to say that the work doesn’t feel as hard when you see the results.  Obviously that’s how we would like it to go.  In the beginning, I worked hard and I saw gain (or loss actually:)).  Now, I work hard, and I see a very small amount of loss.  I work harder, and I see a small amount more.  I get frustrated and work harder, and it inches by like a snail.  I miss the first ten pounds.  They came off so easily.

But I am beginning to understand how people so easily lose and gain ten pounds like it’s nothing.  ‘Hey I lost ten pounds!’ followed by a few weeks later ‘hey I gained it all back’.  I used to think to myself ‘I wouldn’t let myself go back!’.  But now that I’m here, with ten pounds gone, and a frustrating grind in front of me that takes all the motivated and determination I had at the beginning, only now it’s kind of trying to drift away because I feel better about myself, and I can see why some people would just kind of shrug and say ‘I did so well’.

I’m happy that I’ve started running again.  I think that without that, my exercise would be going to the gym only.  I was beginning to feel a little like my routine was gnawing at me.  I love the gym, and I love working out, but it’s hard to mix it up when you know exactly what you want to accomplish and work on.  With running, I have another option.  When it gets warmer, I’m going to add more outdoor options.  I’ll go to the gym maybe two or three times a week, and then mix up the other days with running, biking, hiking and outdoor sports.  Hopefully by next fall, I can join some indoor soccer or basketball and keep that going as well.

Let’s just say this bluntly.  The next ten pounds is going to be a bitch.  But when it’s gone, and it will be gone!!  the difference is going to make all this slow grinding and agonizing effort totally worth it.

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