I’m not sure how long ago I talked about this. About a year ago, I had a few strong panic attacks that basically disable my ability to get through the day. It was weird, and scary, and I had no idea what was going on. After a trip to my doctor, and a few days of ativan, I was prescribed Citalipram, which is some kind of anti-anxiety or anti-depressant that is supposed to help you be calmer and happier. I was a little loath to go on it. I had never been on medication before, and I strongly disliked saying that I was. But I decided that I was at a a time in my life when I seriously needed help, so I just decided to relax and get through it.
After my break up, I felt freer and happier than I had in so long. It was liberating, being free of a relationship I now realize had trapped me. Within a few days, I started considering going off the medication.
Not wanting to have serious effects, I went to my doctor and spoke with her about it. She suggested I wait until after the holidays, and then slowly ween myself off. She suggested going to half a pill a day for two weeks. If I felt good, go half a pill every second day. If I felt good after another two weeks, every three days. By then my body will barely use it, and I can cut it off completely.
Well, I’m almost completely off of it now!! I haven’t taken a pill for three days, and I feel great. There was no strong withdrawal and no crazy nights of panic attacks. I think I might be clear of it, and I’m seriously happy. I like not being on medication. I understand strongly that it was there for me during a time I needed it. I was struggling, and it allowed me to get through it until I was able to figure things out on my own. I’m not going to be ashamed that I had to go on it, I’m only going to work at making sure I don’t have to again. It’s not something I was comfortable with, and while I now totally understand the kind of thing that would make a person turn to them, I have no intention of going back if I can possible help it.