Something strange happened to me today. I got a phone call from Bell Mobility. That might not seem strange until you learn that I am a Rogers customer. I’ve never had anything to do with Bell. By ex was with Bell, and apparently he put my number down for some ‘if you can’t reach me’ thing a few years back.
Here’s where I became an irrational woman. This poor guy was probably just doing his job. But I was pissed. I told him very sternly that I have absolutely no contact with my ex, and then I became very bitch insisting that he take my number off. He said he can’t change my ex’s info, where I proceeded to freak out at him about him forcing me to contact my ex and how ridiculous that is and how the company should understand that there are situations where people do not want to talk to one another again. He took my number off, and apologized for causing me any inconvenience.
I felt bad afterwards. I’ve always prided myself in keeping my cool and never blaming people. But apparently there are exceptions. I was pissed with this guy. But I realize I wasn’t angry with him, I was angry with my ex. I am angry with my ex. I hate that my morning was ruined by another connection to him I didn’t know I had. I’ve felt for a couple days that it’s finally over. I managed to get free of him. And this Bell guy calls and brings it all back.
I want to apologize to that Bell Mobility guy. He did not deserve my aggressive bitchyness, and I am ashamed that I acted in so irrational a way. But at least it did let me learn that while I don’t actually spend much time thinking about my ex, I’m still angry when the thought or mention of him comes up. It makes me angry that I’m angry, because of what he did when we moved out. I just can’t seem to forgive him.
But the fact that I don’t really think about it all that much means that I’m really not all that weighed down by it. I don’t spend my days angry. I don’t lay awake at night angry. I’m already going about my life and I only let him affect me sort of randomly.