Today I spent the entire day at the apartment I shared with my ex. I cleaned, I moved furniture, went to the salvation army and cut of fingers taking staples off of the wall. At the end of it, I signed the move out agreement, and handed in my keys. I officially no longer live there. I no longer have this huge thing tying me to the guy that I am no longer with. And I feel great.
I’ve been stressed the last couple of days. Yesterday was the first day I cried about the relationship. Not because I was sad, but because I was angry and frustrated. I messaged him to ask what we needed to do about the larger items neither of us wanted. His answer was basically that he had moved all his stuff out, and the rest he didn’t care about. So…. he left me to do all the work myself, despite me being the one who had moved out to begin with. I was so angry at the immaturity of it. I was angry that he thought himself a victim, and believed he had the right to revenge. It was idiotic, and so unfair.
Today I sucked it up, and just got it all done. I killed myself, with the help of my wonderful mother and brother, and by four in the afternoon the place was completely done. Now, I officially have nothing tying me to him. There is nothing left that makes it necessary for me to contact him.
It takes a huge weight off to know that in no way is there any reason I need to be connected to him. I thought at first that it was important that we be friends. I hoped we could be civil, and help each other. But now, I think this is better. Now that I have no reason to consider him, I feel much better about moving on.
I said before I should thank him for being such a dick, because it makes it easier for me to get over him. It’s true, but it’s also sad. This was not the person I was with all those years. The person I dated would not do this. He would not just bow out and not take responsibility for something. It proves he’s not good when he’s hurt, but really, none of us are. It sounds passive aggressive to hope that he feels bad for what he’s done. Ultimately, I don’t care. I don’t care what he does anymore. But I’m angry with him, and I’m disappointed in him. But those feelings are going to allow me to move on and live my own life without being weighed down by him.