Musical-WallpaperI used to do something that I didn’t think much of, until I moved out and realized I didn’t do it as much anymore.  Listen to music.

When I lived with my ex, I used to take time out of the day, put on a playlist, go in the bedroom, turn of the lights, and let my mind go.  Sometimes I could do it for hours.  It was like I needed it to function day to day.

I almost never do it anymore.  I don’t even crave doing it.  It’s not like I thought about stopping, I just did.

I didn’t realize it was how I coped with my unhappiness until I didn’t need to do it anymore.  I feel like it’s a strange addiction to have developed.  I didn’t drink, I didn’t get crazy into something, I just closed my eyes and let my mind wonder.  I could drown out the world, and pretend that I was someone else.  Suddenly, I can be whoever I want to be.  There is nothing holding me back.  I don’t have to imagine being the person I want to be, I can just be her.

What a strange thing to have done.  And it’s making me think about who the person I want to be might be.  My style and health is what seems to mean the most to me right now.  I’m eating healthy and loosing weight.  I’ve been do so well I don’t really spend much time wishing I was someone else.  But I’m excited about just living.  I’m excited about who I am and who I’m going to be.

I would like to thank music for being my coping mechanism.  It saved me from turning to something bad like alcohol or drugs.  Music got me through the worst parts of my relationship.  Music set me free for short periods, which I needed so badly.


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