This post is for my friend Kim. Last night she and I went out and had a few drinks, and I ended up giving her the web address for this blog.
We had an amazing time. I realized that while I’ve not been a non-drinker, there has been an aspect of being with friends that I’ve missed out on. Now before I continued, let me say that I’m not advocating getting hammer every night. But Kim and I had a beautiful dinner, when to see the Symphony Orchestra, and then watched the end of the hockey game at a bar were we lingered after the win and chatted while having a few drinks.
There’s a few things I noticed that night. One, conversation was extremely easy. Two, I was never embarased or uncertain about opening up to her about something. And three, she and I out together are a pair of very fine looking ladies 🙂 She asked me if I would ever be comfortable going up to someone in a bar and introducing myself. I think that for the most part, my answer would be no. But as I sat there and thought about it, and looked around, I realized that my answer was yes.
Getting out of a relationship can destroy you. I have seen it happen, and I have experienced it myself. But this time, getting out of the life I had has empowered me. I feel bold, and good about myself. There are some body hang ups of course, and I’m working thorugh them, but for the most part I like myself again. I seem to have this strange new outlook that says ‘I’m good enough for people to want to know’. I want to meet new people. I want to be confident. I want to throw myself into the experiences you can only get with strangers. Where did this confidence come around?
I assumed at first it was the alcohol. I’m not a crazy drinker, so I haven’t experienced much of how alcohol can make you bold. But this morning, sitting at the table eating egg on toast and thanking my lucky stars that I’m not totally hung over, I realize my answer to that hasn’t changed. I would go up to someone in a bar and introduce myself. This is not something I’ve been working up to, to talk to strangers. It’s something that is the byproduct of me taking my life back. I feel like I have nothing stopping me from being the person I want to be. Nothing holding me back. And it’s empowering. It’s an odd feeling to realize that you’re learning to like yourself again. It’s even more frightening to realize how much you didn’t like yourself before.
Now there is a limit to my knew found fun in having a few drinks with my friends. While we were there, Kim’s friend came in, let’s call her boozy because…well, I think that’s self explanitory. I’ve had drunk friends around before. People are so random while they’re drunk. Now boozy was so many sheets to the wind that she could barely sit up straight. Kim took it upon herself to get the bartender to give her water instead of the double vodka she ordered. She also convinced her to order food, to soak up some of the alcohol she’d already consumed. She traded her boots to wear boozy’s rediculous heals. It made me appreciate Kim so much more than I had before, even though I’ve never taken her for granted. Babysitting a friend can be a pain in the ass. Sometimes you just want to have fun and now have to worry about the other grown women you’re with. But Kim did it so naturally. It was almost easy for her to take care of her. She laughed about it, although I know she was somewhat annoyed, but she didn’t try and ignore her boozy friend. I think its rarer than people think to have a friend who will do that for you. I hope her friends don’t take Kim for granted.
Will I continue drinking? I think socially, yes. I’m glad I went through so much of my life not drinking. I feel like it’s leveled me. I understand now how to have fun without it, and I realize how it changes me when I do. When I’m with friends, and not driving, I will have a few drinks. Although I’m still not interested it getting ‘fall on my face drunk’ the way boozy did 🙂