I want to talk about relationships. I know, original right? But there is something I’ve been wondering about recently. My roommate, Dee, is also single. She got out of a 28 year marriage a few years ago, and is currently dating again. She’s 50, and there’s something she keeps saying. ‘I will never live with a guy again’.
It made me think about my own relationship, and how I can honestly see how things started to go downhill the moment we moved in together. Are people meant to live together?
My boyfriend and I had trouble sleeping together. No, not sex, but just sleeping. He joked that he slept like a ninja, which was really boy talk for he’s so fricken delicate everything wakes him up. I mean seriously, everything. I used to be a deep sleeper, and I have become one again since our breakup. I realized that my night was spent worrying about whether or not I would wake him up. It was awful. Eventually, we started sleeping separately, to give us both the chance of a good nights rest. But that took away something super important in our relationship. That was the settling down together, cuddling, and general affection that comes with going to bed with someone.
Time spent together is important. But after living with someone so long, I found that time apart became more important to us. Because we saw each other every day, we didn’t put aside time to get to know each other. Instead, we set aside time so we weren’t together, to both work on our own hobbies. We started thinking of ‘alone time’ as a break from our relationship. The more time we spent together, the more we looked forward to our time apart. It become common, to see each other there.
Is that why relationships end? You start spending so much time together that you begin to look forward to your time alone? If this is the case, is living together really something we were meant to do?
I think it’s the natural way for people to get to know each other, to spend more and more time together. But maybe there’s a limit that we should hit, and understand that if we go farther it will breed unhappiness and taking one another for granted.
I myself can’t imagine living with someone again for at least a few years. I’m certainly not jumping into another relationship. Never say never, but these are my intentions. In my experience, living with someone took away the excitement of seeing them.