The Girl Code

Girl CodeEntry #2.  Under no circumstance should you tell a girl that you hate her boyfriend and you’re glad they broke up unless he’s abusive.  Here’s why.  If they ever get back together, you’re screwed.

Being a friend is a precarious business.  A few months ago, my friend Kim told me she broke up with her boyfriend.  I said ‘good for you, you’re so much better than him’ thinking i was being supportive.  He was, after all, causing way too much drama in her life.  But a few weeks later they got back together, and she was hesitant to tell me because I ‘disapproved’ of him.  I felt awful.  She and I tell each other everything about everything.

Here’s the thing.  I don’t approve of him.  I think he’s not good enough for her.  But if Kim is happy, then that’s the only thing that matters.  I want her to be happy.  If this guy makes her happy, then I’m happy, and that’s the end of it.  I’m not dating the guy, so I don’t have to love him.  But I will make the effort to get to know him, and understand why she cares for him.

We all want to protect our friends, and we all want them to be with the very best person for them.  But sometimes who they want to be with is not who we want them to be with.  In this situation, this is what you do…

Suck it up, realize your friend is a grownup, and be there for him/her no matter what happens with their partners.

There is an ‘unless’ for this.  If a friend is being abused in any way, made to feel like crap, threatened or cut off from the people they love, or anything like this, then you have the right to intervene.  Just be prepared for the repercussions.  If your fears do nothing to persuade your friend to leave this awful human being, you’ve successfully cut yourself out of their life.  Being a judgy friend helps no one.

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