Breaking up is hard to do…

So now that I’ve had a few days to think this over, and I have some further things to say about this breakup I just went through with my long term, live in boyfriend of seven years.

Since it happen, he won’t speak to me.  He emails me to tell me things are fine, and that he’s not mad, just upset.  I’ve been trying to give him space, but the more time that goes by, the more I think ‘wait a second, why am I the one who has to stay away?’

This isn’t going to to turn into a rant.  But think about this; we’re both wounded.  I know that in the end, I sat down and made the call.  But I feel like the decision was forced on me.  I didn’t make the call because I was the only one who felt this way.  I made the call because it was the right thing to do, and we both knew it.  So why am I the one giving you space?  I’m not sure that’s fair.

The day we broke up was the worst day I’ve ever had.  The entire day at work I was anxious, stressed and sick.  I knew it was time, and I felt just awful about it.  The entire drive home I was so uncomfortable I felt like I might pass out.  I got home, and sat down, and before I could say anything I know from the look on his face he knew what was coming.  So why am I the bad guy?

We had a great relationship.  For years, we were really close.  We had a good sex life, we were attracted to one another and we had the same likes.  Is it so unreasonable to to think we can get through this civilly?

Tell me that he’s just ‘to upset’ to see me right now is not fair.  It hurts me more, it makes it harder to get my stuff and it makes every email I receive from him make my heart beat too fast.

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