The Perils of Living Together

Living TogetherHere is something I can fully give some insight on.  The dreaded ‘moving out’ of the apartment you’ve shared for some years.

It can be tough to decide who stays and who goes.  But really, to make it easy, you should both be willing to go.  In this case, I left.  I had a friend to stay with, so it was the easier choice.  It helps that I had no strong ties to the apartment or area, and I never liked the space.  But you have to be realistic.  Half of everything might be yours, but that doesn’t mean you should take it.

I’m not a clutter bug.  I never have been.  When I moved out, it occured to me that this was a perfect time to cleanse.  I’d been accumulating stuff for years, and because it was tied to ‘both of us’, I found that it no longer held any meaning for me.  So I purged.  I gave him a list of the big furniture I wanted, and said that he could have everything else, even if we split the cost of it.  I didn’t take the TV, and I gave him the XBox even though it was technically mine.  I don’t use that stuff and it doesn’t go with the new plan for my lifestyle.

This is your chance to live the life you want.  It sucks breaking up.  You’re always going to be hurt.  It can be hard to think about what your life might look like in the future.  But think about it.  You might want the fancy table, but do you really need it?  Will you use it?  The more I went through the stuff, the more I realized that the things I picked first were the things I felt I had some right too.  But when I thought about it, I didn’t really want it at all.  I just had this odd attachment to it for really no reason.

You need to picture your new space.  It’ll probably be smaller.  Smaller means less stuff.  It will be different colors, your colors.  It will feel like you, not ‘us’.  Your lifestyle will be different.  You won’t eat full cooked dinners every night.  You’ll go out more.  You’ll have time to go to the gym, and paint, and…whatever it is you like to do.  Does the TV fit into that?  How about every dish in the house.

I’m a ‘out of site, out of mind’ kind of thinker.  I don’t want my life filled with memories of him going forward.  I love him, and I care about him, but I am truly my own person now.  This step can take a long time, but this is your chance now to get a jump start.

My advice would be, when it doubt, leave it.


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